Post by Tzalaran on Feb 9, 2007 9:04:10 GMT -6
Here is the Prologue and start of Chapter 1 of the novel i'm working on in my limited free time. I've revised this to the point that i'm pretty satisfied with it, but as always i'd welcome any constructive crits. opinions on the style and flow would also be appreciated. (Chapter 1 is included to give the reader a bit more understanding of whats going on. 
)
Tzol was low in the sky, and the morning birds could be heard chirping their praises to the warmth he brought. This was my twelfth year, and Kraz had begun his training with the village healer, so Uncle Tralzanth had been tending the herds with me. We traveled much farther than Kraz and I had ever been allowed before, and many times quick strikes from my Uncle’s bow had kept predators from the tzarla flock. I stretched my legs and began to pack up my bedroll, when a shadow moved over me. The form gave me no surprise, because my uncle was rarely awake after me. He was a large Dal-Shiz, especially for not having his left leg, and he never told that story, or any story from before his accident. His shoulders were broad, and able to carry any load he chose. It had been hard for me to keep up with him, but the challenge was exciting to me.
“Don’t worry about packing up Tzal, We will camp here for the next couple of days. This place always seems to bring a sense of peace to my old bones, and that is something I rarely find.” His gravely voice echoed in the morning calm, and as my face looked up at him in wonder a faint smile appeared on his lips. “It’s time for the herd to rest, and I’m sure we could both use a break from walking. There is a lake over to the east, and there is plenty for the tzarla to eat here. Be a good lad and go find some driftwood so we can eat a warm meal today.” There was a friendly tone in his voice that rarely found my ears, and I eagerly got up and began looking for a small grove nearby. “Over by the lake is a good place to look my boy. You should find all we need over there.”
Needing no more encouragement, I sprinted to the lake. The four legged beasts were startled by my sudden movement, and they moved their bloated bodies out of my path as quick as they could. Seeming to fly, the hillsides sped by my little frame, and the bank of the lake soon slowed the mad dash. The number of fish swimming in the crystal blue water was amazing, and walking along the bank the reason my uncle wanted a fire became clear. Smiling to myself, I followed the bank around to a small stream feeding the lake. By the size of the stream the headwaters couldn’t be far, and would be a likely source of wood. The stream led around some hills and straightened into a large ravine. The rock cliffs towered above me, and strange formations jutted out of the faces. Unable to see the lake, climbing up the cliff to find out where the lake and my uncle were seemed to be a good idea. Being used to climbing, making it halfway up the cliff was easy. That is when the rock in my right hand broke free from the cliff. I tumbled backwards, connecting hard with the ground. Wind rushed out of my lungs and breathing became a task unknown to my body. My eyes began to water, as my chest resumed attempting its normal functions. The rock which had betrayed me stayed firmly in my grasp, and as the fire in my chest began to subside and my eyes once again were able to focus, the realization that what was in my grasp wasn’t rock at all became clear.
It was a bone, and my fingers began to peel off the hard clay that encased parts of it. While working on cleaning it an eerie feeling came over me, and I began to examine the cliff face more closely. The thought that there must be thousands of bones lying here buried, an ancient graveyard worn through by the stream over time, became clear. Then a glint of metal caught my eye, snapping me from my daydreaming. Picking myself up and walking over to the spot that glistened, the small spike became clear. My hands began digging around the metal to free it from the clay which trapped it. The clay began to build up under my fingernails, irritating the scales underneath, but that could not stop me. I continued to dig as if possessed, not stopping from my mission even when blood started dripping into the clay as the metal object loosened from its prison.
My treasure wasn’t metal at all, but was a bone longer than my forearm. The glint of metal seen was on a spike protruding from one end, and on the other end my bleeding fingers removed clay that was stuck to blades similar to a hatchet. Awe overcame me, and the piece of metal that was lying on the ground almost passed my sight. Bending over to examine this new wonder I found a jewel encrusted pendant made of pure silver with 6 sapphires set into a star pattern. This was a treasure worth more than anyone in my family could dream, and how to tell my uncle of this great discovery became the focus of my mind.
“You weren’t thinking of keeping both of those, are you Tzalaran?” A soft woman’s voice startled me, and the strange weapon and amulet nearly slipped from my grasp. Firmly grasping the hilt, my arm brought the weapon into a defensive position, and I turned to face the source of the voice.
Never having seen a human before, this was a pleasant surprise. She had long black hair, down to the small of her back, and her legs were muscular, but not as developed as a Dal-Shiz’s. They flowed elegantly into her hips, where her waist narrowed quickly, before curving up into strong shoulders. Her arms were lithe, with long delicate fingers. She wore a skirt that barely reached her mid-thigh, with a cut off blouse made to reveal her muscular stomach. Her skin had a bronze tint, which set off her emerald eyes. Her lips were full, and the corners of her mouth were slightly turned into a smile. Her eyes were what truly gave her laughter away though. “You may only take one, and you should choose wisely.” Her voice had harmonies, very unlike the females of my race, and the hair on my neck began to tingle.
“No, I wasn’t going to take both,” my lips stammered, “but I don’t know which to choose. My family could certainly use…”
“These are not for them,” she interrupted, her eyes changing from an almond shape to thin slits. “This is a choice for you, and for you alone. You can talk to me while you decide though.” Her eyes were open once again, and the warmth had returned to her voice as she smiled at me.
I looked at the two objects. The pendant sparkled in the sunlight, a fortune beyond the wildest dreams of simple farmers. “Yes Tzal, it is exquisite, isn’t it? Truly worth more than you could ever need.” Her voice purred at me, warm and inviting. My throbbing fingers broke the spell of the amulet, and my gaze went to the archaic weapon in my left hand. The balance felt perfect, like an extension of my arm. There were strange carvings on the handle, sinuous lines interweaving the length of the handle.
“A primitive device that will be of little use to you,” her voice snapped, a hint of disdain edging into her words. “Come and walk with me Tzalaran.” She extended her hand, and as she came near, the smell of jasmine filled my nostrils.
Dizziness wrapped me in its confining blanket, and my vision began to blur. Both objects seemed to call to me, distorting in size to dominate my consciousness. The pendant seemed to shine, a welcome cobalt light covering and protecting. It seemed to whisper, a faint beckoning, promising safety and power. Her touch, light and enticing moving across my neck, came with a strange intoxication. I caught glimpses of different scenes that were beyond my understanding, and began to feel more dizzy and confused. Looking back to the pendant, radiance started its calling, pulling at me, inviting. The five smaller sapphires were set in a star pattern, with the largest stone in the center. The center jewel was on a raised sphere, with an interwoven star of silver surrounding the stones. Two of the smaller sapphires had dim illumination shining from them, with the center gem shining brightest of all. A small dark shape in the main gem began moving, and the five surrounding it began circling, just before a drop of blood fell onto the metal of the pendant.
I looked at my bleeding fingers, and looked to the object held limply in my other hand. The amulet’s radiance cast an eerie glow onto the rune encrusted tomahawk. The bone looked a beautiful blue-white, the same color as Lariante high in the sky on a clear winter night. Glimpses of a cloaked man running through city streets made me feel whole, and my grip upon the hilt became strong once again. Fear and anger hit me like a wave, crashing like thunder into my mind, and covering myself from the inevitable release became the only thought in my mind. The woman’s face had changed from calm serenity to bestial fury, and I gripped the tomahawk as tightly as possible, as her wrath shoved me into darkness…
Chapter 1
I shot upright in my bed, and instantly stared at my hands. They were whole and not wrapped in bandages, and it took me a moment to adjust myself from the dream. Could it really be a dream if it had already happened? Uncle Tralzanth had found me, bandaged my hands, and carried me far away from the lake. From that day on he became more of a father to me, and he began the path that would lead me here. Forcing myself to break from the memory my eyes scanned down the luxurious bed. Black silk sheets from the far away lands of the Jyn-lao Empire covered me, and my gaze moved over to Tzelkrina perched across the room. She was hiding behind the doorway to her sitting area, with her black silk robe half covering her body. Her soft lavender eyes betrayed the fear she felt, and I noticed that her chest was rising quickly.
“Was I screaming?” It was hard to find my voice, because my throat burned, and it came out raspy. Her head began to nod back and forth quickly. I must have really scared her, because she was stammering. Looking into her eyes brought a complete sense of calm to me, and there was instantly a deep breath moving into my chest. My eyes closed, relishing the peace after the nightmare. If only I could stay here today alone with her for another day. Still, she stood there staring, and couldn’t speak. My voice came calmly to me this time, softly telling her, “I won’t stay here again. I can go back to my place to sleep, that way….”
)Tzol was low in the sky, and the morning birds could be heard chirping their praises to the warmth he brought. This was my twelfth year, and Kraz had begun his training with the village healer, so Uncle Tralzanth had been tending the herds with me. We traveled much farther than Kraz and I had ever been allowed before, and many times quick strikes from my Uncle’s bow had kept predators from the tzarla flock. I stretched my legs and began to pack up my bedroll, when a shadow moved over me. The form gave me no surprise, because my uncle was rarely awake after me. He was a large Dal-Shiz, especially for not having his left leg, and he never told that story, or any story from before his accident. His shoulders were broad, and able to carry any load he chose. It had been hard for me to keep up with him, but the challenge was exciting to me.
“Don’t worry about packing up Tzal, We will camp here for the next couple of days. This place always seems to bring a sense of peace to my old bones, and that is something I rarely find.” His gravely voice echoed in the morning calm, and as my face looked up at him in wonder a faint smile appeared on his lips. “It’s time for the herd to rest, and I’m sure we could both use a break from walking. There is a lake over to the east, and there is plenty for the tzarla to eat here. Be a good lad and go find some driftwood so we can eat a warm meal today.” There was a friendly tone in his voice that rarely found my ears, and I eagerly got up and began looking for a small grove nearby. “Over by the lake is a good place to look my boy. You should find all we need over there.”
Needing no more encouragement, I sprinted to the lake. The four legged beasts were startled by my sudden movement, and they moved their bloated bodies out of my path as quick as they could. Seeming to fly, the hillsides sped by my little frame, and the bank of the lake soon slowed the mad dash. The number of fish swimming in the crystal blue water was amazing, and walking along the bank the reason my uncle wanted a fire became clear. Smiling to myself, I followed the bank around to a small stream feeding the lake. By the size of the stream the headwaters couldn’t be far, and would be a likely source of wood. The stream led around some hills and straightened into a large ravine. The rock cliffs towered above me, and strange formations jutted out of the faces. Unable to see the lake, climbing up the cliff to find out where the lake and my uncle were seemed to be a good idea. Being used to climbing, making it halfway up the cliff was easy. That is when the rock in my right hand broke free from the cliff. I tumbled backwards, connecting hard with the ground. Wind rushed out of my lungs and breathing became a task unknown to my body. My eyes began to water, as my chest resumed attempting its normal functions. The rock which had betrayed me stayed firmly in my grasp, and as the fire in my chest began to subside and my eyes once again were able to focus, the realization that what was in my grasp wasn’t rock at all became clear.
It was a bone, and my fingers began to peel off the hard clay that encased parts of it. While working on cleaning it an eerie feeling came over me, and I began to examine the cliff face more closely. The thought that there must be thousands of bones lying here buried, an ancient graveyard worn through by the stream over time, became clear. Then a glint of metal caught my eye, snapping me from my daydreaming. Picking myself up and walking over to the spot that glistened, the small spike became clear. My hands began digging around the metal to free it from the clay which trapped it. The clay began to build up under my fingernails, irritating the scales underneath, but that could not stop me. I continued to dig as if possessed, not stopping from my mission even when blood started dripping into the clay as the metal object loosened from its prison.
My treasure wasn’t metal at all, but was a bone longer than my forearm. The glint of metal seen was on a spike protruding from one end, and on the other end my bleeding fingers removed clay that was stuck to blades similar to a hatchet. Awe overcame me, and the piece of metal that was lying on the ground almost passed my sight. Bending over to examine this new wonder I found a jewel encrusted pendant made of pure silver with 6 sapphires set into a star pattern. This was a treasure worth more than anyone in my family could dream, and how to tell my uncle of this great discovery became the focus of my mind.
“You weren’t thinking of keeping both of those, are you Tzalaran?” A soft woman’s voice startled me, and the strange weapon and amulet nearly slipped from my grasp. Firmly grasping the hilt, my arm brought the weapon into a defensive position, and I turned to face the source of the voice.
Never having seen a human before, this was a pleasant surprise. She had long black hair, down to the small of her back, and her legs were muscular, but not as developed as a Dal-Shiz’s. They flowed elegantly into her hips, where her waist narrowed quickly, before curving up into strong shoulders. Her arms were lithe, with long delicate fingers. She wore a skirt that barely reached her mid-thigh, with a cut off blouse made to reveal her muscular stomach. Her skin had a bronze tint, which set off her emerald eyes. Her lips were full, and the corners of her mouth were slightly turned into a smile. Her eyes were what truly gave her laughter away though. “You may only take one, and you should choose wisely.” Her voice had harmonies, very unlike the females of my race, and the hair on my neck began to tingle.
“No, I wasn’t going to take both,” my lips stammered, “but I don’t know which to choose. My family could certainly use…”
“These are not for them,” she interrupted, her eyes changing from an almond shape to thin slits. “This is a choice for you, and for you alone. You can talk to me while you decide though.” Her eyes were open once again, and the warmth had returned to her voice as she smiled at me.
I looked at the two objects. The pendant sparkled in the sunlight, a fortune beyond the wildest dreams of simple farmers. “Yes Tzal, it is exquisite, isn’t it? Truly worth more than you could ever need.” Her voice purred at me, warm and inviting. My throbbing fingers broke the spell of the amulet, and my gaze went to the archaic weapon in my left hand. The balance felt perfect, like an extension of my arm. There were strange carvings on the handle, sinuous lines interweaving the length of the handle.
“A primitive device that will be of little use to you,” her voice snapped, a hint of disdain edging into her words. “Come and walk with me Tzalaran.” She extended her hand, and as she came near, the smell of jasmine filled my nostrils.
Dizziness wrapped me in its confining blanket, and my vision began to blur. Both objects seemed to call to me, distorting in size to dominate my consciousness. The pendant seemed to shine, a welcome cobalt light covering and protecting. It seemed to whisper, a faint beckoning, promising safety and power. Her touch, light and enticing moving across my neck, came with a strange intoxication. I caught glimpses of different scenes that were beyond my understanding, and began to feel more dizzy and confused. Looking back to the pendant, radiance started its calling, pulling at me, inviting. The five smaller sapphires were set in a star pattern, with the largest stone in the center. The center jewel was on a raised sphere, with an interwoven star of silver surrounding the stones. Two of the smaller sapphires had dim illumination shining from them, with the center gem shining brightest of all. A small dark shape in the main gem began moving, and the five surrounding it began circling, just before a drop of blood fell onto the metal of the pendant.
I looked at my bleeding fingers, and looked to the object held limply in my other hand. The amulet’s radiance cast an eerie glow onto the rune encrusted tomahawk. The bone looked a beautiful blue-white, the same color as Lariante high in the sky on a clear winter night. Glimpses of a cloaked man running through city streets made me feel whole, and my grip upon the hilt became strong once again. Fear and anger hit me like a wave, crashing like thunder into my mind, and covering myself from the inevitable release became the only thought in my mind. The woman’s face had changed from calm serenity to bestial fury, and I gripped the tomahawk as tightly as possible, as her wrath shoved me into darkness…
Chapter 1
I shot upright in my bed, and instantly stared at my hands. They were whole and not wrapped in bandages, and it took me a moment to adjust myself from the dream. Could it really be a dream if it had already happened? Uncle Tralzanth had found me, bandaged my hands, and carried me far away from the lake. From that day on he became more of a father to me, and he began the path that would lead me here. Forcing myself to break from the memory my eyes scanned down the luxurious bed. Black silk sheets from the far away lands of the Jyn-lao Empire covered me, and my gaze moved over to Tzelkrina perched across the room. She was hiding behind the doorway to her sitting area, with her black silk robe half covering her body. Her soft lavender eyes betrayed the fear she felt, and I noticed that her chest was rising quickly.
“Was I screaming?” It was hard to find my voice, because my throat burned, and it came out raspy. Her head began to nod back and forth quickly. I must have really scared her, because she was stammering. Looking into her eyes brought a complete sense of calm to me, and there was instantly a deep breath moving into my chest. My eyes closed, relishing the peace after the nightmare. If only I could stay here today alone with her for another day. Still, she stood there staring, and couldn’t speak. My voice came calmly to me this time, softly telling her, “I won’t stay here again. I can go back to my place to sleep, that way….”
